Self Empowerment
Vegetarian: To Be Or Not To Be
When I first arrived in California six years ago I decided that for the sake of my body and the evolvement of my spirit, that I wanted to try being vegetarian. I have vacillated in that choice for five years now. I feel like Oprah when she made that comment on her show about her weight where she said “I can’t believe after all these years I’m still talking about food and weight.” Well O, I understand your frustration because that’s how I feel about being vegetarian and vegan.
For those not familiar, a vegetarian is someone who does not eat flesh. If a vegetarian tells you they eat fish, then they are not vegetarian, they are a fishetarian, a pescetarian a pescevegetarian, or a piscetarian (and don’t ask me what the difference is because I don’t think there is one). A vegan, however, is one who does not eat any animal products whatsoever so that means in addition to eliminating flesh from their diet, they also eliminate all dairy products as well. Some people even go as far as to eliminate anything with white sugar because animal bones are used in the processing of that product. The same goes for anything with gelatin in it because gelatin comes from horse’s hooves. And on and on it goes.
Now, I don’t particularly like labels of any kind, but I will admit that I’m comfortable with the label my friend Joe gave me a while back. He says (in his best Italian voice) that I’m an “Iffatarian” which simply means “Iffa you are serving meat I will eat it.” Especially if Joe is doing the cooking! Yes, I jest, but seriously, you don’t have to be a nutritionist or a vegan to realize we, as a country, consume way too much meat and dairy and not enough fruits and vegetables. Our obesity statistics as well as the rise in heart disease is a testament to that. By the same token I will openly and honestly admit that it is not easy to maintain a vegetarian diet, and especially a vegan diet, in spite of all the positive reasons why we should. It takes an enormous amount of commitment in the same way normal dieting does so the person who wants to make the change has to decide whether or not the end result is worth the effort involved in making the transition. My personal struggle with food in general has been life-long and at this point in my life I find I no longer want to fight this battle because there are more important things in my life than what I weigh. Self-acceptance can be quite liberating, that much I can tell you.
So for me this is more about my spirit than it is my body. I have always questioned the spiritual aspect of eating meat and can even remember asking my spiritual guru about it back in the late 80’s. His reply was that it was not spiritually “wrong” to eat meat, but that we really should eat as little as possible because when the animal is slaughtered it feels fear and that causes certain chemicals to explode inside of the animal’s body which we then ingest and it is not healthy for us. In the many discussions I’ve had with vegans, the topic of Jesus and all those fish almost always comes up. If it was acceptable for Jesus to eat fish, then why is it not acceptable for me to eat it?
Well recently I had an argument with one of my long-term friends about this because she is an avid vegan, an animal rights advocate, and a vegan nutritionist that spends most of her time caring for animals and teaching others how to make the transition from meat-eater to vegetarian or vegan. In spite of how hard I’ve tried to adapt to this eating regimen, I fail at times for a number of reasons which I won’t bore you with at this time. In all honesty I’m o.k. with that because I think that life and growth of any kind, whether it be spiritual or emotional, is a process, and we all re-create ourselves in our own time. Unfortunately I have never been able to get my friend to see this. This is a small part of a recent email she sent me:
“It’s really a matter of commitment to working it out. Once a person truly knows a lot about all the aspects involved in raising and killing animals, there IS no turning back, and they learn to make it work. A person decides to no longer create disease in their own body by eating animal flesh and animal products; they decide they do not want to contribute to the massive destruction of the planet we call home of which animal agriculture is cause number one; and they decide they cannot be responsible for the torture and death of animals. They stop being a hypocrite by hugging their pets yet eating other animals. They learn to eat what we’re meant to eat – fruits, veggies, grains, legumes, not a ton of fake stuff to resemble the animals we stopped eating. Guess I’m just tired of giving people wiggle room when it involves the torture of animals. It feels rather urgent to me that people do this so less pain is inflicted on animals. I can’t apologize for feeling that way.”
Wow. Well I guess she is right, I am lacking in commitment on this issue, but isn’t it my choice on where I want to put my energy? I happen to believe that saving people is more important than saving animals, so I take offense that she feels that her purpose should override any purpose or passion that I have of my own. Who died and made her God? It’s not up to her to decide if I’m allowed any “wiggle room” or not. With all of the good choices I’ve made along the way, in her eyes I’m still a hypocrite because I hug my cat but I still occasionally eat a chicken. That’s harsh….really harsh….and now eating soy products, which I happen to eat a LOT of…..soy burgers, soy chicken nuggets, soy cheese, etc. is not good enough for my friend the vegan? Now if it even LOOKS like an animal product I’m condemned?
I really resent other people telling me how to live my life especially when it is unsolicited. This woman is extremely pushy when it comes to getting people to transition to a plant-based diet, and she will use insults, guilt, and continual badgering to try and coerce you into doing what she thinks is right. It doesn’t matter what you say to her, she believes that the next thing she sends you will “make you vegan” and even if you are direct enough to ask her to not send you anymore literature on the subject (like I have in the past), she will ignore your requests and continue to barrage you with emails and links that she thinks will “help” you. She will ship you books and DVD’s and tapes in spite of the fact that you’ve asked her to stop.
When she and I would argue about this subject she would always mention that this or that author or expert was going to be on Oprah, and she just knew that if Oprah had all the information I had that she would definitely become vegan, especially being the dog lover that Oprah is. I told her she was wrong, because Oprah has struggled with food and weight all her life just like I have and I know from personal experience that this is not an easy nut for our type to crack. As it turns out Oprah tried being vegan for a few weeks, hated it, and went back to being a meat-eater again. I’m proud of myself that I didn’t revel in an “I told you so” moment when the truth was revealed! Let’s face it, Oprah is a pretty evolved human being, and someone who, like me, is extremely self-empowered. With that being said, I feel I’m in good company in my failure to live up to my vegan friend’s expectations.
While I was visiting this friend in Southern California last year we went to a place called Animal Acres which is a safe haven for farm animals that have been rescued. My friend thought my daughter and my sister (who is also an advocate for animals) might enjoy it. As for me, I couldn’t wait to get out of the place. I am so far removed from being a “country” girl so it was not the place for me….but I divert. While there we listened to a lecture by a well-known animal activist who went on and on about not eating meat and how cruel and violent it was to partake in this industry. Yet during the question and answer portion of the presentation someone asked him about some of his family members who were not vegan and he admitted in front of his audience that he buys meat for his children because they refuse to be vegetarian. Now here is a man who is going around the country lecturing and selling books on this topic (and making a ton of money doing it I might add) yet he is not committed to doing it himself with his own family. I wonder if my friend sent him a scathing email as well questioning him on not being 100% committed to his cause. I’m guessing she didn’t because he is a vegan himself and that makes him superior in her eyes.
Which brings me to my point and the irony of this whole situation. My friend (and many animal activists) do phenomenal things on behalf of animals and they are to be commended. But by the same token if we look closely we might see that these very same people do not exert the same kind of compassion, gentleness, and understanding for human beings that they do for their furry friends. Does that make them bad individuals? No. It just makes them imperfect human beings like the rest of us. We all have souls that need to evolve in one area or another (myself included) so it is always best to look within our own glass house before we throw stones at others.
And so my journey will continue. I haven’t perfected my choices at meal time but I do feel good that the changes I’ve made so far have probably saved hundreds of animals up to this point. I won’t give up on myself even if my friend wants to give up on me. I will give myself the wiggle room I need and in the interim I will be the best Iffatarian or Piscetarian I can be!
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
This week I have been engulfed in fighting a battle not so much for myself, but on behalf of others who may be impacted more than I but are not in a position to be able to speak up for themselves.
I truly believe in peace and harmony, but sometimes you have to ruffle a few feathers and overturn the applecart to get things moving in the right direction. Controversy doesn’t always have to be negative. Sometimes it can bring about change. With courage and a passionate purpose, people like Martin Luther King, Jr. and Harvey Milk have changed the world in which we live.
My daughter who is 14, attends a performing arts school. In the two years she has been attending this school I have been fairly active in the monthly parent-teacher meetings. Last year, and again this year, discussions took place in those rooms with regard to the selection of plays that would be performed during the school year. Heated arguments took place because some parents appear to have a problem with their children “swearing” on stage.
Seriously? With all of the problems surrounding our youth today (i.e. teen pregnancy, drugs, alcohol, pedophiles, and dropping out of school), we’re going to focus our energy on teen swearing? I thought we came to a compromise last year which resulted in a new process. If a show was going to be produced that had what some parents considered “inappropriate” or “adult” content, then the parents would be asked to sign a waiver allowing their children to be part of the production. That seemed to work for everyone involved at the time.
Fast forward to the new school year and a change in the administration. The theater chair, who was previously a Broadway actor in New York, decided to return to performing and a new director relocated from Massachusetts to accept the open position. With him he brought a lot of ambition, vision, and drive which was a perfect fit for this fairly young performing arts school. There was only one problem. From the day this man began his journey at the school, it became obvious to me that a witch hunt ensued because he’s, oh dear shall I say it here? He is a homosexual. I have sat back, watched, and said little for seven months, but as an advocate for gay rights, I knew that I could no longer keep quiet.
The first show of the season was Everyman and the middle school students who performed the show did a fantastic job. The second show of the season was The Wiz and for obvious reasons everybody was thrilled with the production. The most recent show performed last weekend, with high school students only, was One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. Although my daughter was not in the show, we attended in support of the school and this new theater director.
If you have never seen it, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest is a provocative piece of work, but it is also viewed as a modern literary classic. It is read and studied in schools throughout the U.S. and has continually been in print since its publication in 1962. As a play, which premiered in 1964, it has had two revivals; off-Broadway in 1971 and a Broadway production in 2001. When adapted to a film in 1975 starring Jack Nicholson, it won 5 Academy Awards including Best Picture. Overall, it is a pretty impressive literary pedigree.
I thought in spite of its adult theme and its “offensive” language the students pulled off the production brilliantly. Once again this phenomenal theater teacher deserved accolades. Unfortunately, on Wednesday of this week one of the parents sent an email blast out to the entire school community discrediting everything that had been accomplished. Here is just a small part of that email.
“It was a great performance with offensively shocking language and subject matter. It is unfortunate that their talents had to be used on projects that are not as widely view as good or universally appropriate materiel. It was very discouraging that much of the language in Cuckoo’s Nest was inappropriate for small children and even offensive to some adults. The show would not have lost any effect by changing the language. The use of the F-bomb was completely unnecessary as much of the other profanity. It makes no sense to me that the students would be placed in a situation where they were forced to perform inappropriate material for their age group. Outside of the show they would have been suspended for using these words. I do understand that the subject matter of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” is adult in theme, so I would hope that since we entrust our children to your care, you would carefully consider which plays our children will be performing. As a concern, evolved and loving parent I am pushing the envelope back to say these things are not acceptable. Hopefully the Administration will rethink how it chooses what our kids perform and are exposed to.”
Forced to perform? To my knowledge no one is every forced to audition or perform at this arts school. In addition, I felt this kind of communication should have been sent to the school’s director, not posted in such a public manner for all eyes to see. I was the first one to write a retort. The bottom line of my argument back was that not everyone should be subjected to this one person’s value system when choosing or performing a play at the school and posting his remarks discrediting the work of the teacher in such a public manner was something I found to be even more inappropriate.
Other parents joined in, some in support of my viewpoint and some in support of his. One parent captured her sentiments perfectly in one sentence. “As a writer, it worries me when we suggest changing an author’s literary work to make it more acceptable to suit our beliefs. That’s called censorship.”
To add fuel to the fire, the moderator of the parent-teacher email distribution list emailed me privately to tell me that I should have emailed the offended parent privately and not use the group’s list to respond. It became very clear to me that not only were there parents who wanted to censor the literary work performed at the school, they also wanted to censor me. My only choice was to make it clear that no one was going to censor my input or feedback and since the original sender posted his viewpoint in a public manner then my responding in the same manner should be perfectly acceptable.
In spite of the retorts this man was not backing down. I’m not sure why I didn’t think of this sooner, but I then Googled this parent to find out exactly who he was and why he thought he should have full control over what was occurring at the school (because it is not a private school in which he contributes money). The results of my search clarified everything for me. This parent was the pastor of a newly formed Christian Baptist church in northern California. That is when I knew I had to approach this from a different angle. There was a spiritual agenda at work here, one that I am all too familiar with, and one that I personally have a problem with.
I have nothing against organized religion if it is what helps an individual to find their spiritual core and their connection to God. Where I begin to have a problem is when one group of spiritual seekers feel they have the right to infringe their belief systems on those outside of their congregation or religious sect. It has always been my personal feeling that if people took the time and energy it takes to really learn the history of organized religion along with the how and why of its formation, they would not put as much value in it as they do. But that’s an entirely separate blog.
My point is that I am also an ordained minister, and I have my spiritual beliefs which are solid as a rock, just like the pastor in my story here. Is there art that I find offensive? Yes there is. I do not listen to or enjoy rap music or hip hop music because I find the word “nigger” and “ho” to be pretty offensive along with many of the lyrics that are written today in this art form. However, the one thing I would never do is push my spiritual agenda on anyone else that didn’t come to me for spiritual guidance or advice. Everyone is entitled to their own choices and their own path and frankly I am tired of this particular religious group, with their condescending judgments of others and their narrow-minded spiritual ignorance, thinking it is perfectly acceptable to infiltrate our schools and our political system in an attempt to make us who they want us to be.
So for that reason I kept pushing until the truth of the matter was finally revealed. This parent was the father of one of the Cuckoo’s Nest leads, and he also had a younger daughter who worked backstage on the production. He knew up front about the content and language (because he had gone to the school administrator about it weeks prior to the performance), but in spite of this knowledge he let his daughter perform in the production anyway. He felt to pull her three weeks into rehearsals would have been unfair to the rest of the actors and the teachers. Seriously? He felt strongly enough about the “content” to create this whirlwind of emails and controversy as he tears down the teacher and administration involved in producing the show, but he let his daughter go through with the performance anyway. In addition, he allowed his younger daughter to work backstage. If you had felt as strongly as he did, would you have let your child perform? I have to honestly say I wouldn’t have. The bottom line from where I sit is having his daughter in the performance spotlight took precedence over his concern about inappropriate content. If that’s not spiritual hypocrisy I do not know what is.
I wish this pastor the best of luck in his new church endeavor and I hope he is met with great success there. But if he or any other parent tries to resurrect their spiritual agenda at this school again, or elsewhere in the community where it effects my child or my life experience, I will be standing strong to fight them on behalf of ALL creative artists as well as the gay community.
Standing strong and tall…………….Peace Out!
Is Social Networking Working For You?
I read an article the other day that talked about social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, and what scientists are starting to say about our online connectivity.
“It can be exhilarating, at least at first, to connect with long-lost friends, but the downside is growing confusion between our weak ties (people who might be useful in referring us to a good dentist or helping us find a job) and our strong ties (those we are very close to). The distinction between genuine friends and acquaintances is becoming blurred. Users are spending time maintaining relationships with people they don’t really care about.”
While this may be true for many people, it is definitely not true for me. I don’t use Twitter or LinkedIn nor do I use My Space any longer. I created a Facebook page because this application, in my opinion, is more conducive to building and maintaining friendships. I take friendship very seriously and because of that I definitely do not want to spend my spare time, in person or online, maintaining casual acquaintances or relationships with people that I don’t particularly like or feel connected to. I don’t quite understand what people get out of collecting 400 or 600 friends they never plan on communicating with (unless they are using their page for self-promotion of some kind).
Being a single parent prevents me from getting out of the house to spend time with my friends on an individual level as often as I would like to, so this is the best way for me to maintain relationships that are important to me.
I actually read in the Facebook For Dummies book that you should weed through your friend list about every six months and decide who should stay and who should go. I probably weed through mine about every three months and inevitably I always delete a few names. In no way do I feel obligated to stay in touch with high school friends or former coworkers just because we reconnected through an online application. If they are someone I would never connect with live and in person because I don’t particularly like them, or we have very little in common with regard to our personal interests and/ or common values, and if nothing is transpiring between us on a meaningful level after three or four months of reconnecting, then to me there is no point in keeping those people on my page. Most times when I delete people they don’t even notice I’ve deleted them (or they’ve noticed but just do not care) which is a statement in and of itself.
As for those who re-send me a new friend request, or who email me privately and ask why I dropped them, I feel the only way to handle this type of situation is to be honest. I will either tell them the very specific reason why I no longer wish to maintain contact with them, or if they’ve done something to really offend me or put me off, I don’t worry about responding at all. This is one of the many ways that I lead an empowered life.
I believe that everything is energy including people who carry a certain vibration. On a spiritual level it is extremely important to select friends that have a vibration that is in sync with your own. I have no desire for toxic relationships or friendships that are based in drama or insincerity. It is extremely difficult to maintain one’s inner peace if those kinds of folks are allowed into what I refer to as my “personal sphere”. I am very selective about who I spend time with (online or otherwise) so that I can maintain a higher energy vibration myself. This is the best way to care for me. This is the best way to love myself.
So if you are struggling with some of what I’ve mentioned here remember this…..it is all about quality, not quantity. As Maya Angelou says…….when people show you who they are, believe them. Watching what others post on their social networking page and how they interact with others can tell you a lot about who they are as an individual and that can help to guide you in making a decision on who you may need to detach from.
So pay attention, and then, without guilt, do a little online housecleaning!
Namaste……
Momma Always Said
When I was 23 years old I really wanted a career in radio. I lived in Connecticut at the time and so I auditioned for the Connecticut School Of Broadcasting. I was ecstatic when I was informed that I had been accepted into the program. There was only one problem. How would I pay the tuition? I was in my first year working for a large insurance company as an Executive Administrative Assistant in the Human Resources Department (only we were called Secretaries back then). Translated, that means I was making approximately $10,000 per year. Even though I was married at the time, my husband made even less. We didn’t have a savings account to speak of so that meant taking a loan to pay the tuition. The problem was because I had not been in my current job for more than a year, and even my residence was a bit shaky because I was married and lived in my husband’s home state of Virginia for the last year and a half, my loan application was rejected. I was devastated and my mother said something to me that she would repeatedly tell me throughout my life during times like this. “Mary….God has something better planned for you.”
The reason this subject is at the forefront of my mind is because recently I applied for a position that I had a decent chance of securing, but in the end, was overlooked for a candidate that had more experience. Those words rang in my head once again. “Mary…..God has something better planned for you.” We’ve all heard this catch-phrase before, but the question is do we believe it? Does God really have something better planned for us? I have to honestly say that I believe he or she truly does. But here is the caveat. Is it in the package that we want or expect? My life experience has shown me that this is not always the case. In fact, this is usually not the case. That of course fuels ammunition for the Atheists and naysayers who don’t believe in God or a higher power because they can now challenge you with “See Mary….God didn’t have something better planned for you. Your life is now worse off than it was before.” But is it?
Here’s the thing. Had I gone to the radio school maybe I would have had a successful career in radio. But would I have become the person I am today? Probably not and here’s why. I believe that when God has something better planned for us, it isn’t necessarily a better job, or a better husband, or a better pair of shoes. I believe it is the experience or the path that we are then forced (or destined) to follow in order for us to learn and grow as individuals and to become who we are meant to be. Who are we meant to be? A butcher? A banker? A candlestick maker? No. Not even close. We are meant to be the highest form of ourselves. We are meant to be Christ-like or Buddha-like or Mohammed-like. We are meant to be happy and I truly believe that it is difficult to be happy with anything in life without having a strong spiritual core that is connected to the divine.
Not attending radio school led me in the direction of a very successful career in I.T. (Information Technology) and by the time I had put in my first 11 years in this field I had broken all the molds. I was financially successful for sure. I had all kinds of awards for the work I had done. I had friends with great minds and great hearts. But was I happy? No, I was not. Why? Because I really wasn’t living my heart’s desire. I was just doing a job that I had learned how to do well because of the kind of mind I had, and because I was successful at it, I kept at it for a very long time. But it never filled my soul in the way that writing this blog does right now.
It is the negative experiences I’ve endured in my life that have formed me into the person I am today. The failure of my first marriage was the springboard for my spiritual awakening and it has only been uphill since then. But that’s another story entirely. My point is that if I sit back now and reflect on whether God brought me something better than being a radio show host he did. He brought me financial abundance that exposed the hole in my soul because no matter how many things I purchased, the things that I thought would make me happy, did not. Money didn’t make me any better as a person, and it certainly didn’t solve all the other problems in my life. Did it make it easier for me to care for myself and my children? Yes it did. But did it make me happy? Absolutely not. I make less money now than I ever did while I was in the field of IT yet I’m happier now than I’ve ever been. No I don’t always have what I want on a material level, yet I’m still happy. How can that be? Because I’m living a life now that is fueled with spiritual awareness and gratitude for the simple things in life.
So did God bring me something better? He sure did. He brought me opportunities to learn and to grow. He brought me self-awareness and spiritual evolvement. Will he bring me something better this time around as well? I am sure of it. When you come to the point where you know this in your heart, along with it comes inner peace and the ability to let go and just enjoy the ride. So the next time your Momma says to you “Honey, don’t fret…..God has something better planned for you” take the fast-track to emotional healing from the disappointment you’re feeling…..and believe her.
New Year’s Resolutions 2010
Today is the first day of 2010, the premise of many science-fiction films that were made during my youth. The year that signified a variety of technological advances. Have we lived up to those expectations? To a certain degree I think we have. We live in a society where cash is rarely used, where little plastic cards and online websites control all of our money coming in as well as going out. We live in a society where electric cars permeate our parking lots. We live in a society where technology allows us to connect to people all over the world with a simple stroke of a keyboard. Personally I think it’s all pretty cool stuff, but for me, today, it’s just the start of another new year.
I am one of those people who makes resolutions every year. Do I meet them? Some of them I do. Some of them I don’t. The point is unless you set goals to begin with, whether they are on January 1st or May 15th, how can you expect to meet them? I believe goals are important and that they define us as individuals. One of my friends blogged about New Year’s resolutions and made it quite clear that people that don’t make them are functioning from a place of mediocrity and I have to say that I agree. Not that being mediocre is a bad thing, but it has never been for me.
I have always been a somewhat driven and productive individual that has accomplished a number of goals throughout my life. As soon as I reach one goal (or several) others come into play. Although I have slowed down and learned how to relax more than I did in my younger years, I know who I am and I will be goal-oriented until the day I die.
This brings me to why I am here blogging on a website that has not been launched yet and is not ready to be launched. It is because my number one New Year’s resolution was to spend less time on Facebook and more time writing. Writing this blog, writing spiritual articles for publication, and writing my book on self-empowerment. It’s 2010 and it is time to move the goal of being a published author forward once and for all.
If you want more than mediocrity in your life, don’t make a resolution to never make a resolution again. I made six but all I am suggesting is for you to make just one. I can guarantee you when you reach your goal you will feel such a sense of accomplishment. If you don’t meet your goal, it’s o.k., at least you tried, so at minimum give yourself a pat on the back for not choosing to be stagnant in life. I am not judging those that choose that path, but I know that stagnation for me is the same as death.
Be blessed in 2010 and reach for the stars. Namaste…..
