Self Empowerment
Blood Is Thicker Than Water…Or Is It?
“Blood is thicker than water” is a German proverb and its meaning is fairly common knowledge. The bonds of family and common ancestry are stronger than those bonds between unrelated people, such as friendship. For me, however, nothing could be further from the truth.
When we make a decision to be diligent in our spiritual journey, and we make a conscious choice to change and grow, there is one thing that many times will try to tear us down and test our faith in ourselves and in our God, and that is family.
I say this because no matter how much we change and grow, our families tend to maintain their picture of who we used to be and who they think we still are. It is a frustrating and sometimes agonizing part of spiritual growth.
I made the decision to write this blog about a month ago when a negative experience with a family member caused me to look inward. I had not seen or spoken to my niece in about six years. The last time we spoke was during the filming of the television show Intervention. My niece was a part of this show for a supposed eating disorder, which never really existed. I participated in the show because I was hopeful that the intervention would at least provide recovery for the real reason she had so many problems, which was an addiction to drugs and drama combined with a heavy dose of delusion and compulsive lying.
Recently we re-connected on Facebook and initially I was excited at being able to keep tabs on her and her 12 year old daughter who is my closest sister’s granddaughter. But that excitement passed quickly as it became obvious to me through her posts that she was still a very angry individual who consistently blamed others for her misfortune in life and never taking responsibility for the reality she has created. When I questioned one of her angry rants she deleted me from her Facebook page which was fine with me because I was considering doing the same. I did, however, use the opportunity to email her and communicated that now that she was 35 years old and a mother of a teenager, it was time for her to stop playing the victim and take responsibility for her life so she could be a better role model for her daughter. Her response was full of venom as she proceeded to tell me what a joke I was and that I needed to go play “fake” somewhere else.
Me? A fake? I was startled by this comment because I hear feedback so often from others about how “real” I am for someone with the title of “Reverend”. And that is when I realized that this is not the first time I have heard this sort of comment from members of my family before.
About three years ago one of my sisters passed away, and I was not allowed to attend her memorial service (that’s another entirely long story I won’t go into here). One of my other sisters videotaped the service and sent me a copy of it. I was horrified that during the middle of the memorial one of my other nieces made a snarky remark about how she was a “real” minister now and “not like the other weird one in the family” or something of that nature. Everyone laughed except for the sister who sent me the video. She didn’t think it was funny either and we both felt it was highly inappropriate to say at a memorial service, especially in light of the fact that the sister who passed always supported my spiritual truth and was even a frequent attendee at my church. I was forced to consider the source, as my sister, her husband, and I guess now her adult children, are all born-again Christians, but not in the true sense of the word. If we want to talk about fake we could go there, but we won’t.
The third time I heard something of this nature was from one of my other sisters (I have five) who said she didn’t understand why I was so sweet to my friends but not her and implied that I was being a phony. I tried to explain that I am sweet to my friends because they are sweet to me. It was clear to me that my sister always interpreted my difference of opinion with her as a personal attack of some sort, which, in her eyes, does not make me look sweet. I believe if someone asks for your opinion you should give it with honesty. I explained if she wanted me to agree with her all of the time it was best if she didn’t bring her problems to me in the first place and to ask someone whose opinion she respected more. Makes sense right? What she didn’t realize is that I am not a phony because I am just as forthright and honest with my friends as I am with my family. Long ago I realized that I can be extremely direct and that can cause others discomfort, but there are those that choose to have me in their life exactly for that reason. They know they will hear the truth from me and trust that I will not just tell them what they want to hear like others do and then talk behind their backs with the real truth. If someone in my inner circle cannot handle my innate ability to be honest, then a friendship between us is probably not going to go the duration because I have no intention of putting on a façade and pretending to be someone I am not.
Which brings me back to my first point…..so I will repeat it. No matter how much we change and grow, our families tend to maintain their picture of who we used to be and who they think we still are. I have spent enough time analyzing these remarks over the years to have come to a conclusion as to why some of them see me as a fake or a phony. Long ago I used to be an entirely different person. I was selfish, egotistical, condescending, rude, immature, and emotionally needy. I was an addict that used more than one substance to fill the void in my soul. One of my sisters used to call me a drama queen and I wore that label well. In addition all I cared about was career success, money, and “stuff” to prove my worth to the rest of the world. There was one problem, however. I WAS NOT HAPPY. Not with my job, not with my relationships, and not with life, period. It was the late 80’s when I experienced my spiritual awakening and that is when things began to really change for me and when I began to change as an individual.
So here I am, 25 years later. My journey has not been an easy one but neither is anyone else’s who chooses consciously to learn and grow. The lessons do not get any easier. In fact they get harder in the same way as when you’re in school. I have mastered many things, and some things I am still working on (like my temper and my lack of patience). But what I know for sure is that I HAVE changed as part of my spiritual evolution and the person I present to world today is authentic and genuine. I am no longer the person I described above. In addition, although I am a life coach, I have never claimed to be as evolved as Jesus or Buddha or the Dalai Llama, even though others tend to hold me to that level of evolution because of my degree in Spiritual Psychology and my title of Ordained Minister. We are all a work in progress, myself included.
In the last month or so I made amends with a long-time enemy of mine and we made an agreement to let the past be the past and move forward in friendship. I was really proud of that moment as it took many years for me to get there. Maybe every time I have had a turning point like this in my life, and there have been many, I should have announced it from the rooftops for all to see, especially my family, so they would have proof that I have changed. But I am long past the point of having to prove myself to anyone anymore. I thank GOD that I no longer have the need of validation from anyone, especially my family. This was one of the most liberating parts of my growth and my ability to be able to detach from them emotionally and to distance myself from those that do not honor who I am, makes me feel pretty happy, especially when I watch others struggle with this issue in their own lives.
Family should be a support system. They should be those you gravitate to when things are going wrong in your life. They should be your cheerleaders. They should love you unconditionally. I know that is tall order but that is what family means to me. And that is why I do not feel that blood is thicker than water. Blood is just that. A biological connection. Without the emotional, intellectual, or spiritual connection, what do you have in family? Nothing really. I still love all of my family, whether they have any regard or respect for me or not. But I choose to love some of them from afar because our blood connection is the only connection we have.
If you have the kind of family that loves you, supports you, and is there to catch you when you fall, then say “Thank You” and know that you are blessed. If what I describe here sounds like your family, stand strong in your truth and do not allow them, or anyone, to take your power away. Be who you choose to be and allow others to be who they choose to be. Do not seek validation from them any longer. Look within and find it for yourself and allow that truth to set you free.
11:11 ~ 2012 ~ And The Apocalypse
Thursday morning when I looked at my Twitter feed I read that Japan was hit with an 8.8 earthquake. It seemed like every day I was reading about an earthquake somewhere in the world. China, New Zealand, Indonesia, the Philippines, and even Arkansas! I even posted on my Facebook status that with all of these seismic shifts around the world, that California’s “big one” must be right around the corner.
While listening to the media yesterday about the earthquake in Japan I heard the word “apocalypse” used more than once, and with 2012 being just around the corner, I thought this might be a good time to share information that I had received not only about 2012 but also about changes taking place on our earth right now. My source of information is not of this world, which means some of you will believe in the credibility of the information, and some of you will dismiss it. That is your choice.
So let’s start with 2012. When I asked the question if the Earth was going to come to an end in 2012 this was the response I received:
The end of the Earth is not going to happen. It is when the Mayans ended the calendar because they had no concept of it going any further. The end of the world is not going to be a big explosion; it is going to be a change in understanding. It is going to be a good thing but it’s going to take people like you and others to bring that understanding to bear. There are great difficulties that will arise, especially financially, and people will need to learn acceptance as you did. Accept what is and work with it. You cannot break Universal Law but you will break yourself against it. Universal Law says this is the perfect way for it to be, and to ignore that sets you up for your own self-destruction.
Another question in the back of my mind is why is there all of this attention being given to the number 11:11 on clocks. People seem to be acutely aware of its presence, and they also make a “wish” when they see it. Here is what I was told:
11 and 11 are master numbers and it is a moment in time when mankind aligns with the masters. The visual message is reminding the individual to align themselves with the Universe and focus.
The following is a summary of some of the information given at a group reading in January 2011. It speaks to what will be occurring in the very near future for all of us….and what is to come. Again, you can choose to accept this info or you can choose to dismiss it. After 25 years of receiving information from this 7th dimensional master, I have learned that his predictions and insights for the world are veracious.
January is the door that opens up a very difficult year, especially for those who refuse to understand what it is all about. You must remain strong and stay on the path you were meant to be on. Do not make big changes now.
February will be a difficult month. Man makes everything so difficult. This is a month where you are going to see a lot of change. There will be more anger and more hatred between individuals. Stand strong and be helpful and kind. Do not fall into a path of anger or hatred. If you fall into it you dignify the anger that is present. Never give dignity to that which is harmful to other beings who are your brothers and sisters.
In March things will begin to clear up. It is not going to seem that way at first but if you hold on, it will. It’s very important that you know that. But it won’t happen unless it has your help. Remember that it is time to walk your path in kindness and with compassion. Do everything while watching your priorities. Make sure everything is very clear to you. It’s very important. Also, do not jump blind-folded.
As the year goes on you will see the world wobbling in its emotion. As the months pass….things will get better. The economy is going to pick up….but the anger imbedded in the spirits of those who are now angry and going without is still going to be there. It will take them time to work it out.
You all have an important position in this. Bring your light into a darkened nation. Love each other and love everyone you talk to….everyone in your life. Remember what I always tell you. Bless the being and the path he is on because you don’t know that path…..you don’t walk that path……and you don’t know where that path is leading them….so bless their path. Do it with kindness and silently. You don’t have to say Bless You out loud. That is what you do for sneezing. You don’t have to say anything…just smile. Be quiet and understand that they are travelling a path that you may not understand but that does not make it a wrong path, it is just not your path and each and every path is different.
This year is a master year. Everything you’ve learned to this point you are going to have to express in one way or another. All these years have brought you to this year to prove yourself. Prove that you know what you speak of. So you better get afoot. Stand tall in what you believe and no matter what anyone says to you….don’t think about it. It’s not important. Know who you are. Know what others say about you is not always true. I want you all to benefit from this. Got it?
High School
The following was written by my 14-year old daughter. I share with you not so you can be a voyeur in her life, but because you may also have a child who is going through adolescence which is one of the most challenging periods of our lives. Following her journal entry is a poem to further express what she was feeling when she began high school in Concord and wanted to return to her favorite middle school in Oakland.
I remember the first couple of weeks of high school, and how much hell I went through, trying to find just one friend who would eat lunch with me, or walk with me at break, but it seemed as if everyone had their circle of friends already, and I didn’t really have anywhere to go.
I FINALLY found my friends, but within a few more weeks, half of them left for some other group, and I feel like the remaining half doesn’t want me there. I feel that each and every smile I see is fake. Sometimes they wander away from our meeting place, not even waiting for me, so I stand there alone, hoping someone I know will stroll by and say hello, but they never do, and there I am sitting in a classroom by myself while everyone else is outside having fun, sharing secrets, laughing.
Sometimes it feels like elementary school all over again, and I’m the lonely one on the end swing. Everybody here is so concerned about their own drama that they don’t even stop to look around and see that they aren’t alone. When I walk down the halls all I see are people with problems. Groups of kids talking and one on the side, trying to squeeze in. I hear them all talk about each other. I see them fight and put each other down. High school is just one big mess.
Teenagers seem to be totally delusional about their surroundings, their choices, and the things they say. We are all forced to be together here in this place we call school. We all just try to get by without failing, or getting into too much trouble. We all put on these fake smiles, but behind them are stories of guilt, pressure, regrets, and abuse. We are all damaged and broken. This…is high school.
Footsteps of regret walk out from the door.
I’m trapped within these walls of which I’ve never seen before.
I walk down the halls as I stare at the floor.
I feel alone, I’m on my own, true friends I have no more.
Never have I been this way.
Never have I been shy.
But I know the smiles here are fake.
The friendships are a lie.
I question myself for leaving my home.
I always ask myself why.
I laugh no more.
I fall asleep while tears fall from my eyes.
I turn around, my sight is blind,
But I hear all that they say.
They roll their eyes, deceive me,
They always walk away.
My heart sinks low, my mind distraught.
Shed a few tears I may.
I have no strength, I hate this feeling,
That we call betray.
I never should have left my home.
It is where I belong.
This place is hell, it’s not the same,
And everything is wrong.
I strum my guitar with the sorrow I feel
And I play my sad song.
My heart is full of regret,
I feel it as I stroll along.
Damn this hell, I’m leaving now,
Forgotten you will be.
I don’t need you, you break me down,
And no I’m not sorry.
I’m going home, the place I belong.
Happy is what I’ll be.
As soon as I’m gone, I walk along.
I’m home. I’m here. I’m free.
2011 New Year’s Resolutions
My first blog on this website was New Year’s Day 2010. As I stated in that blog, I am one of those people who make resolutions every year. Do I meet them? Some of them I do. Some of them I don’t. The point is unless you set goals to begin with, whether they are on January 1st or May 15th, how can you expect to meet them?
Last year one of my resolutions was to spend less time on Facebook and more time writing blogs, articles for publication, and my book. How did I do? Good and not so good. I did blog throughout the year and the proof is right here on this website, but I didn’t blog as much as I wanted to. I didn’t spend less time on Facebook. In fact, as the year progressed and my energy became more and more depleted by my current corporate job, I spent more time social networking to unwind and spend time with one of the most positive things in my life, my friends which are both real-life and virtual. I did also spend time on my book and started to completely revamp it because I began writing it several years ago and times have changed since I began the process. I also chose a different format and premise for the book, so progress has been made. Again, not as much as I would like, but accomplishing something is always better than accomplishing nothing. As for articles for publication, that never happened, although I did think about it a lot. The bottom line is it is great to set goals because even if you don’t meet them exactly as you had hoped, at least you did something that moved you forward in the direction of reaching them.
So here is my list for 2011. Because 2010 was an emotionally challenging year for me, my priorities have had to change.
*TAKE CHARGE OF MY HEALTH……I have allowed the negativity and stress from my current job to affect my health in a variety of ways, one of which is weight gain which has then snowballed into other health issues as a result. It’s time to take back my power over this job and the negativity it brings into my experience as well as my health. I loath the word “diet” but my body is screaming right now “diet and exercise diet and exercise”. So that is what must be the first priority in my life going forward.
*LIMIT SOCIAL NETWORKING……I have cleaned up my Twitter account and have discontinued following anyone who is not in line with my desire to change careers. I have stopped accepting new friendships on Facebook and have eliminated most everyone on my page that is only there for self-promotion or voyeurism and not to develop a mutually supportive friendship. The only part of this resolution to implement is to not log on to Facebook or Twitter until I have met one small goal every day whether that be to write a chapter of my book or cross off an item on my future career to do list. I know my Facebook friends will miss my twice-a-day presence and I will miss them as well but the longer I wait to do these things the longer it will take me to get to my final destination.
*GIVE UP COFFEE……I normally only have one cup in the morning when I get up and then when I get to work I have a cup of Chai Tea. But I’m going to replace the coffee when I get up with Chai Tea and replace the Chai Tea with water, something I have never drank enough of. I do believe my body will thank me on this one.
*ANGER MANAGEMENT……I’m not going to go take a class on anger management or anything like that. I know what it is. I once received an “A” in a psychology class for doing an entire paper on it. I’ve just let my anger get the best of me and my relationship with my daughter. I’m going to try a whole new parenting technique that is more respectful towards my daughter as well as myself.
*MAKE A CAREER CHANGE……Another year wasted in Corporate America is just that…..another year wasted. In nine more days I turn 54 and I am determined by the time I turn 55 that I will be retired from an industry that has done nothing but take from me on all levels giving very little back.
Blessings to each and every one of you. Be true to yourself in 2011!!!
Namaste…..
Guest Blog on 1001 True Stories of a Writer / Director
I know I haven’t blogged in a while……….so here’s some food for thought!!!
9 Ways To Never Give Up On Your Dream
The Rise & Fall Of Corporate America
Corporate America. There was a time when the ideal job would be found here. I was raised in the late 50’s. Back then you did one of two things when you graduated high school. You either attended college or you got a job. My parents didn’t have a lot of money and I was their 6th child, so college was not an option. While I was in high school I participated in a work co-op program where I would attend school until noon and then went to work at Insurance Company #1 in Hartford for the remainder of the day. This led me to my first real full-time job working in Corporate America.
Over the past 35 years I have spent the majority of my time in the insurance industry. I did extremely well for myself at Insurance Company #2 considering I had no college education. I started as a secretary and a year later transferred into their training program for computers where I spent the next 11 years working my way up from trainee to a team leader role in Information Technology. I have always been a high achiever so working hard and holding strong to a solid work ethic have always paid off for me. Until now.
Working in a corporate job in the 70’s and 80’s meant job security, fair pay for a day’s work, solid raises and bonuses for those that excelled, and the best benefits one could ask for such as life and health insurance and paid time off. But something changed along the way. Corporate greed has become the status quo for not only companies in the U.S., but companies all over the world. Most are now driven by profits and the bottom line and very little regard is given to the people who get them there, whether it is the employees who work hard or the customers who purchase their products or services.
The first time I noticed this “change” was in the late 90’s. I had departed the corporate insurance industry in 1992 and owned my own video store while simultaneously performing as a professional actress in New York. My second divorce, however, forced me to make a change and I once again returned to the insurance industry for the financial stability it offered. Although I joined Insurance Company #3 as an experienced systems analyst, I didn’t realize until I was through the door that the salary offered to me upon employment was extremely low compared to what other system analysts were making at that time. I shrugged it off and told myself that I was used to working hard and rising up the ladder quickly, so no harm was done. In a matter of four years I was promoted to an Associate Director position with 16 direct reports. That was the last job I held in Massachusetts before migrating to California.
During my tenure as a manager at Insurance Company #3, I was appalled at the bureaucracy involved even at that level. I was extremely frustrated that I could not do for my direct reports all that I wanted to in return for their dedication and hard work. Again, being the optimist, I chalked it up to the company itself rather than the industry as a whole. For that reason alone I could not wait to get out of Insurance Company #3 because I didn’t want to be part of the problem.
Fast forward to my migration to California in 2004. I attempted to work at a non-profit job after my arrival, because I wanted to hold a position with a higher purpose than I was accustomed to. Unfortunately it did not work out because the CEO of this non-profit (and I use that term loosely) was a psychopath and spent most of his timing screaming at his staff and degrading the gay people in our office on a regular basis. As his Executive Assistant I grew tired of such a toxic environment rather quickly. I went on to working for myself as an Office Manager for a well-established CPA in Oakland. I loved the work and the woman I worked for, however there wasn’t enough work to keep me busy, and it is not in my nature to work more slowly to take advantage of an employer. I was paid hourly, I had no insurance benefits, and 25-30 hours a week was not enough to maintain my very high mortgage at that time so I was forced to move on.
Where did I end up? Back in an industry I knew only too well. This time I returned to Insurance Company #2. Since this was an organization that I loved and respected because they always seem to care as much about their employees as the bottom line, I figured I was home free until retirement. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. Now that I’ve been back for five years, combined with everything I have read or watched on the news, I have finally come to the conclusion that it is Corporate America as a whole that has completely deteriorated. I don’t have to read about it anymore because I’m living it.
At the end of the first quarter all employees received an email from one of the COO’s of the company and here is a small portion of that email: “I am pleased to announce that Insurance Company #2 has reported yet another quarter of successful results. As a whole, the company delivered first quarter net income of $319 million and core earnings of $545 million. Thanks to your hard work and dedication, not only have we generated another quarter of strong results, we have in many respects outperformed some of our strongest competitors in the marketplace.” Note: This is the kind of money they made during a recession!
It would be nice to share in their excitement, but it is difficult to do as I watch employees who are working hard and are dedicating themselves to these companies that give little to nothing back. Raises and bonuses are small to non-existent and are only given out to the men and women at the top. Downsizing, lay-offs, and outsourcing continue to occur placing a heavier burden on those that remain. Even those that boast about giving “flexible” work arrangements do not communicate that those kinds of perks are only given to higher salaried positions and not those on the front line who are doing the real work to make the company’s profits.
I remember reading a couple years ago in Working Mother that Insurance Company #3 was rated in the Top 100 employers because of the benefits and flexibility they supposedly offer their employees. Say WHAT? What I want to know is WHO is rating this company? It certainly is not the disgruntled employees that are breaking their backs to keep the place running. Oh, and speaking of being disgruntled….you’re not allowed to grumble about the work conditions or how much you’re disrespected anymore. Thanks to the recession (and even prior) the attitude from higher level positions are “If you don’t like it, leave. There’s 500 other people out there waiting for your job who are willing to do the same job for less.” I just don’t understand this way of thinking. What happened to motivating employees to do their best and being a great company to attract the best talent? Does anyone do this anymore?
So this what my 35 years of hard work and dedication have come to for me as well as a number of my friends and family members who have given of themselves in the same way. We are de-valued on a regular basis and are treated like nothing more than a number. Every day these companies find creative ways to pay us less, work us more, give us less benefits, and cheat us out of our retirement. We can also forget about job security, as that is a thing of the past. Never have I seen so many incompetent de-motivating managers who have bought into the “bottom line at all cost” mentality, which includes sacrificing you, the day-to-day worker, in the hopes that they will get the promotion that they’re after. It is a sad state of affairs and I’m glad that I’m close to retiring. Becoming a Walmart greeter is more and more appealing to me every day.
But let me also say one last thing which is the whole point of this blog. I strongly feel that the laws of the Universe are always at work and there is a quickening occurring on our planet right now. Karma appears to be relentless and God is holding us accountable for our actions more than ever before. People are not able to get away with the kinds of things that remained secret for so long. Whether it’s sexual misconduct of a politician, a racist comment by a celebrity, or an abuse of power by a local police officer, everyone is at risk of being exposed and I do believe that large corporations are not exempt. Just ask Toyota who, according to Forbes Magazine, has fallen from #3 to #360 ranking of the world’s leading companies for 2010. One thing I know for sure is that unlike our judicial justice system, spiritual justice is ALWAYS served and those that have earned it, and continue to earn it, are going to reap what they have sown in a large financial hit or even a great fall as the rest of us, the employees or the customers that made them who they are today watch.
Eating Crow
Eating crow is not an easy thing for me to do, especially since I try to eat vegetarian as often as possible. :) But I went to sleep last night eating crow and woke up this morning to still feel the tickling of feathers in my throat so I figured if I wrote a blog about it I could let it go and set myself free from the self-inflicted bondage I am currently feeling.
When I lived on the east coast I started my own church (The First Church of Diversity & Empowerment) and ran it for two years. It was a small congregation, but I truly enjoyed that kind of intimate setting where I had the time and the energy to teach others all that I had learned through the years not only collectively every Sunday, but on a one-to-one ratio as it arose as well.
However, one of the things I discovered about myself that I did not like about having my own church (and the title of ordained minister) was the expectation placed on me by others to always be an angelic and perfect individual that does not make mistakes or is not flawed in some way. Even now, without the church, it sometimes comes to my awareness that the expectation is still there based on my title alone. So let me address that first.
Being an ordained minister simply means that you have been authorized by a church or religious organization to perform clergy functions such as weddings, baptisms, funerals, and preaching or teaching. Nowhere in the definition will you find the words angelic, perfect, or unflawed. A more accurate definition for that type of individual would be a saint which is someone who is considered exceptionally virtuous and worthy of that honorable title. Ordained Minister does not = Saint.
It’s not that I did anything that horribly wrong. In fact, when people comment on how much I swear relative to my title, I usually deflect their judgment with humor by telling them I do not molest children or run a mind-controlling cult, so I’m way ahead of the pack, and that usually does the trick in silencing them. By the same token I’m here writing because I do feel bad about what I did.
In the last few days one of the parents at my daughter’s school was sending out emails in an attempt to collect money to purchase gifts for the theater teachers who went above and beyond this year with hard work and dedication to give our kids the best experience possible. One of the parents decided to hit “reply to all” and began to publically scathe the parent who was trying to collect on behalf of the teachers. No one was demanding we contribute, but that is how this one defensive and emotionally volatile parent interpreted the email. I was taken aback by her anger but also remained quiet as I did not want to be pulled into what was quickly turning into a confrontation. The receiving parent of the scathing email (while we all watched) apologized for offending anyone and tried to clarify her intent with the original email. That seemed to add fuel to the fire and the reaction to the apology was an even more intense verbal assault on the perpetrator. That is when I stepped in because it is my tendency to always defend the underdog in this type of situation. So in the best calm voice I could muster (through email) I communicated that this parent’s hostility was totally uncalled for and went on to thank the original parent for her efforts in collecting funds because her heart was in the right place. I also asked to be removed from the mailing list.
The reason I asked to be removed from the mailing list is because I know myself too well. I was raised in an Italian/Sicilian home (which translates to an “angry” environment), and no amount of spiritual knowledge, training, and growth has completely obliterated my ability to be argumentative and hot-tempered at times. There are certain buttons, when pushed, cause me to go to that place of no return just like everybody else. Unfortunately I was not removed from the mailing list, the confrontation continued, and it got uglier by the minute as another parent involved herself as well. What I should have done was just deleted the emails as they came in and not responded, but the dialogue started to involve my 14-year old daughter and that is when my protect-my-kid-at-all-cost button was pushed and I lost it.
So there you have it. A humble acknowledgement and of my error in judgment and an apology for not doing what I teach others to do, which is to take the high road. Although venom feels great when it leaves your lips, the after-effects in ones heart once the anger has passed is extremely uncomfortable. As I finish up eating the crow on my plate I will leave you with this:
“He who angers you…conquers you.” ~ Elizabeth Kenny
Imagine No Religion
Last week one of my co-workers and I engaged in a conversation about her religion (Christianity), and during that conversation she quoted that all-too-familiar phrase “But the Bible says…..”, which always sends me off to a place of frustration. I swear if one more person says this to me as an argument to defend what their belief system is I’m going to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge.
Although I am an ordained minister, and I do believe that Jesus walked the earth, it is not as easy for me to come to such a rigid and narrow-minded acceptance of all of the dogma that is fed to and regurgitated from the followers of this religion. I also want to point out that I am not singling out Christianity, but because it is a major religion, I am using it as a prime example for the purposes of this blog.
I guess the reason I don’t accept dogma at face value is because I have taken the time to study the history of religion as well as the fundamental core beliefs of many major religions. Knowledge truly IS power and the conclusion I have come to is that they all teach the same fundamental values. So when I continually encounter people who quote Biblical scriptures as if they were absolutes for everyone on planet Earth, that is when my frustration rears its ugly head.
When people come to me for guidance because they are confused about their religion, which is in direct contradiction of how they desire to live their life, or they are starting to have a lot of questions, to which they cannot find any answers, this is what I tell them. Go to your local college and take a history class on religion. When you’ve completed the class, and you realize how and why religion began, it may be difficult for you to put any real value in any of these man-made belief systems.
I am not saying I want to discount or dismiss religion entirely because I do believe it had and still has a divine purpose, which is to create a moral code that governs the conduct of human behavior in our society. By the same token, spirituality can, and often does, accomplish the same results. Many people ask me what the difference is between the two and the best answer I can provide is that religion is a set belief system declared by someone else that you must buy into and follow to be part of that particular specific spiritual community. On the other side of the coin, spirituality allows you to explore the divine connection to God or a higher power in your own way, thus creating your own personal truth or belief system.
Obviously the latter is a bit more empowering to the individual, which could be why traditional spiritual leaders go to great lengths to denounce and diminish any contemporary belief system they are not in agreement with. If everyone bought into spirituality as a means to maintain their connection to God and keep their human behavior in check, there would no longer be any use for organized religion. Let’s face it, that would not only put a lot of people out of work, it would reduce the amount of power that organized religion has over people. Where there is power there is usually money or political gain. Need I say more?
Spiritual belief systems not only existed prior to Christianity, they existed even during prehistoric times and it wasn’t until the invention of writing (5,000 years ago) that its documentation began. Hinduism, which is the third largest religion in the world, existed around 3000 BC. An awareness of Abraham, the patriarchal figure in Judeo Christian and Islamic religions existed quite a few years later around 2000 BC. Zoroastrianism started around 1700 BC and by 1250 BC the first books of the Torah, the sacred scripture of Judaism were composed. This was followed by Jainism, an Indian religion that existed in 877 BC and Confucianism, a Chinese religion which existed around 500 BC.
Prince Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the Buddha, and also one of my personal favorites, walked the Earth teaching his wisdom around 563 BC, long before Jesus was even conceived 600 years later. I find it extremely fascinating that people can so easily negate the Buddha’s existence (or somehow connect him to “the Devil”) simply because they were born on the western side of the planet and only learned about Jesus of Nazareth, the central figure in Christianity. But even with really cool dudes like the Buddha and Jesus, that did not cease the creation of new religions like Gnosticism which was created by the prophet Mani around the year 140. Muhammad was the founder of Islam, and the sacred text of that religion, the Qur’an was completed around the year 650.
Christianity obviously took on a life of its own. Although it began around the year 301 in the near east, it became the state religion of the Roman Empower around 380 and went on to be the largest religion ever. But then political and cultural differences got in the way and so it split into Western Catholicism and Eastern Orthodoxy around the year 1054. In the early 1500’s theologian Martin Luther reformed the teachings of the church and the Protestant religion (Lutheran, Presbyterian, and Calvinism) were born. In the 1700’s the Baptist and Methodist religions were formed. Here’s a fact I’m sure most do not know. During slavery, many were stripped of their African belief systems and were denied free religious practice. Slaves managed to hang onto some of their practices by integrating them into Christian worship in secret meetings. These practices (dancing, shouting, and music) remain a large part of worship in the African American church today. Before and after emancipation racial segregation prompted the creation of African American denominations, the first of which was the AME Church founded by Richard Allen in 1787.
Some of the more contemporary religions are the Bahai Faith which was founded in the early 1800’s around the same time as Mormonism. Then Rastafarianism and the Nation of Islam were founded in the 1930’s. We can now fast forward to 1952 when Scientology began followed by the New Age Movement which started in the 1960’s. All of these newer religions are condemned by those that practice some of the older more archaic religions, but honestly I do not understand what all the fuss is about. So some guy decided that Scientology was the only way to worship. That is exactly how MOST religions were formed. One person who was courageous enough to disagree with a religion that was already established founded their own religion based on voices they heard in their head that they assumed were God, or simply by their own egotistical need to have some kind of power over others. Either the religion took off or it didn’t. But does that make one any more legitimate than the other? I don’t think so.
So with all of the knowledge I have acquired about how religion was formed, I personally don’t see it as something that can be documented as an absolute. I also don’t see it as very useful, especially in light of the fact that it seems to cause more divisiveness, hatred, judgment, condemnation, and wars than anything else in the world. In my opinion, and it is only my opinion, religion is for the non-thinker or lazy spiritualist who wants to be told what to believe so they don’t have to take the time to really explore their divinity within. A few weeks ago Deepak Chopra put out a post on Twitter asking his followers what they thought about organized religion. I responded to the tweet “I think all religions are cults.” Deepak quickly responded “Agree. Religion is a cult with a large following.” Within minutes people were re-tweeting my tweet, something that has not happened with any of my tweets since. I believe it flew threw the Twitter universe so quickly because many feel the same way that I do. That religion is used to brainwash, control, and abuse others, which is pretty much the definition of a cult.
I’ll leave you with this last thought. If your religion is working for you, meaning it provides you with inspiration and you are uplifted, energized, and fulfilled on a spiritual level, then by all means keep doing what you are doing. But if it makes you feel guilty, ashamed, condemned, or oppressed, then I suggest you begin the journey of soul-searching so that you can connect with God in your own way, a way that works for you. What you will find is that your spiritual journey will excite you rather than weigh you down.
Namaste (The Divine In Me Honors The Divine In You)!
Through The Eyes Of A Child
I didn’t write what you are about to read. My 14-year old daughter wrote this as a writing exercise for her theater class at Oakland School For The Arts. Each student had to write about what they would do IF THEY RULED THE WORLD. This only took her about seven minutes to complete.
Not a single living being would be homeless. Not a single living being would be any more privileged than another. That is not to say that one wouldn’t collect more earnings – but no one would have more rights than another – not because of their gender, color, appearance, emotions, or thoughts. Too many people nowadays are spoiled. The human race in my eyes is pathetic.
On to global warming. From my perspective, we are past the time period where the Earth was changeable. Animals are extinct, glaciers are melting, seasons aren’t the way they used to be. Recycling and conserving can slow down the process, but because of what we’ve done in the last few millenniums, we have slowly destroyed mother nature. Careless wasting and selfish actions have put us in this place.
If I ruled the world I would unite every country into one. Not physically but we would all help each other and all be under one government. It’s all or nothing. If a country refused to join us, so be it – to each his own. But don’t cry to us when a natural disaster strikes. Your country can struggle by itself – but my nation will be filled with peace, fair rules, harsh punishments for the ones who do wrong, honesty, and LOVE.
If a 14-year old can think along these lines with regard to unity (in less than seven minutes), why is it so difficult for adults to comprehend?????
California: The LIBERAL State!
Whenever I feel angry I also feel the need to blog. I guess it is my way of getting my anger up and out in a cathartic way. Anger is rarely useful if kept inside, but maybe something I say here today will affect just ONE person’s mind on the subject at hand.
When I made the decision to move from the east coast to California one of the primary reasons was because I had always assumed it was a “liberal” state. I understand that some people use the word liberal as if it were a swear word, but I am proud to be a liberal American because to me liberal = compassionate, empathetic, open-minded, and tolerant. Isn’t that the reputation that the state of California always had? Maybe that is what it used to be, but now that I’ve been here over six years I have to say my experience says nothing could be further from the truth.
During Governor’s Schwarzenegger’s campaign, didn’t I see a commercial where he talked about California being a place where you could be who you truly are and what you wanted to be? I think it’s ironic that he would put out such a message in lieu of the fact that he represents a political party that is the extreme opposite of what “liberal” California is all about, and what I am most upset about.
To give a little history for those not familiar with California law, this state has done a great deal of flip-flopping on the issue of same-sex marriage. When I first moved here in 2004, same-sex marriage was not allowed. Then, for a brief period of time it was allowed. You may remember seeing photographs of Rosie O’Donnell with her wife on the steps of the San Francisco courthouse where Mayor Gavin Newsom married them. Then shortly thereafter they decided all those marriages were null and void. Then, finally, in June 2008 they opened the door once again to same-sex marriage and I was ecstatic. Although I had officiated a number of same-sex commitment ceremonies, I was thrilled to perform my first “legal” same-sex ceremony in August of 2008.
Then only five months later, Proposition 8, the California Marriage Protection Act arrived citing “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California”. This prop overturned the California Supreme Court’s ruling that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry.
The controversy that ensued during this time frame was astounding to me. The amount of money spent on the part of many churches to pass this proposition were daunting as well. Catholics, Mormons, Jews, and Christians all jumped on board. The most frustrating part of all of this, was that the way in which the proposition was worded confused people. So many voted thinking they were voting FOR same-sex marriage, when in fact, they were voting to ban it. I’m sure that was intentional since fear and manipulated facts are used a great deal during political campaigns to obtain the desired end result.
But the gay community did not give up, nor should they. A ballot initiative was proposed to repeal the California ban on same-sex marriage earlier this month. I learned that the backers of this initiative failed to gather enough signatures to place it on the ballot in November. Supporters will now have to try to qualify the measure for the November 2012 election.
Then to add fuel to my fire I read a disturbing article about an elderly same-sex couple in Sonoma county where, because one of the partners became seriously ill, without authority, the county took everything they owned and auctioned it all off. Then they removed one of them from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county terminated their lease and surrendered their home to the landlord. Three months later one of them passed away and because of the county’s actions, his partner missed the final months he should have had with his love of 20 years.
So yes, I am angry. I am angry that voters are arrogant and selfish enough to think that it’s perfectly acceptable to deny the rights of others, rights they themselves already have. How would THEY feel if this happened to them because tomorrow the “government” made a determination that even traditional marriage between a man and a woman was null and void? People that support the ban say that they feel gays should not have the right to redefine marriage for everyone else, yet they believe it is perfectly acceptable for THEM to define it for same-sex couples!
I am angry that more conservative states like Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and even MEXICO have same-sex marriage and that we, California, the LIBERAL state does not.
I am angry that religion has become intertwined in our politics and now it appears to have a say about who can be legally married and who cannot. If that is something that a certain religious sect wants to do within their own church, that is fine and acceptable by me, but I do NOT think they have the right to speak for the rest of us. I also feel if they want a say in our legal rights then they need to PAY TAXES just like the rest of us do in order to be able to have INPUT to those rights.
Honestly I don’t understand what all the fuss is about regarding the “sanctity of marriage” anyway. Divorce rates are higher than ever. Celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James make a mockery of the sacred vows they made to their spouses. There is VERY LITTLE RESPECT for these vows from heterosexual couples, so what exactly are they protecting? This whole topic isn’t about the sanctity of marriage. It’s about homophobia which is alive and well in our country and even in the “liberal” state of California. So as far as this straight ordained minister is concerned, I think we should ban marriage for EVERYONE until such time it is a legal right for ALL.
