April 2010 Archives
California: The LIBERAL State!
Whenever I feel angry I also feel the need to blog. I guess it is my way of getting my anger up and out in a cathartic way. Anger is rarely useful if kept inside, but maybe something I say here today will affect just ONE person’s mind on the subject at hand.
When I made the decision to move from the east coast to California one of the primary reasons was because I had always assumed it was a “liberal” state. I understand that some people use the word liberal as if it were a swear word, but I am proud to be a liberal American because to me liberal = compassionate, empathetic, open-minded, and tolerant. Isn’t that the reputation that the state of California always had? Maybe that is what it used to be, but now that I’ve been here over six years I have to say my experience says nothing could be further from the truth.
During Governor’s Schwarzenegger’s campaign, didn’t I see a commercial where he talked about California being a place where you could be who you truly are and what you wanted to be? I think it’s ironic that he would put out such a message in lieu of the fact that he represents a political party that is the extreme opposite of what “liberal” California is all about, and what I am most upset about.
To give a little history for those not familiar with California law, this state has done a great deal of flip-flopping on the issue of same-sex marriage. When I first moved here in 2004, same-sex marriage was not allowed. Then, for a brief period of time it was allowed. You may remember seeing photographs of Rosie O’Donnell with her wife on the steps of the San Francisco courthouse where Mayor Gavin Newsom married them. Then shortly thereafter they decided all those marriages were null and void. Then, finally, in June 2008 they opened the door once again to same-sex marriage and I was ecstatic. Although I had officiated a number of same-sex commitment ceremonies, I was thrilled to perform my first “legal” same-sex ceremony in August of 2008.
Then only five months later, Proposition 8, the California Marriage Protection Act arrived citing “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California”. This prop overturned the California Supreme Court’s ruling that same-sex couples have a constitutional right to marry.
The controversy that ensued during this time frame was astounding to me. The amount of money spent on the part of many churches to pass this proposition were daunting as well. Catholics, Mormons, Jews, and Christians all jumped on board. The most frustrating part of all of this, was that the way in which the proposition was worded confused people. So many voted thinking they were voting FOR same-sex marriage, when in fact, they were voting to ban it. I’m sure that was intentional since fear and manipulated facts are used a great deal during political campaigns to obtain the desired end result.
But the gay community did not give up, nor should they. A ballot initiative was proposed to repeal the California ban on same-sex marriage earlier this month. I learned that the backers of this initiative failed to gather enough signatures to place it on the ballot in November. Supporters will now have to try to qualify the measure for the November 2012 election.
Then to add fuel to my fire I read a disturbing article about an elderly same-sex couple in Sonoma county where, because one of the partners became seriously ill, without authority, the county took everything they owned and auctioned it all off. Then they removed one of them from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county terminated their lease and surrendered their home to the landlord. Three months later one of them passed away and because of the county’s actions, his partner missed the final months he should have had with his love of 20 years.
So yes, I am angry. I am angry that voters are arrogant and selfish enough to think that it’s perfectly acceptable to deny the rights of others, rights they themselves already have. How would THEY feel if this happened to them because tomorrow the “government” made a determination that even traditional marriage between a man and a woman was null and void? People that support the ban say that they feel gays should not have the right to redefine marriage for everyone else, yet they believe it is perfectly acceptable for THEM to define it for same-sex couples!
I am angry that more conservative states like Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, and even MEXICO have same-sex marriage and that we, California, the LIBERAL state does not.
I am angry that religion has become intertwined in our politics and now it appears to have a say about who can be legally married and who cannot. If that is something that a certain religious sect wants to do within their own church, that is fine and acceptable by me, but I do NOT think they have the right to speak for the rest of us. I also feel if they want a say in our legal rights then they need to PAY TAXES just like the rest of us do in order to be able to have INPUT to those rights.
Honestly I don’t understand what all the fuss is about regarding the “sanctity of marriage” anyway. Divorce rates are higher than ever. Celebrities like Tiger Woods and Jesse James make a mockery of the sacred vows they made to their spouses. There is VERY LITTLE RESPECT for these vows from heterosexual couples, so what exactly are they protecting? This whole topic isn’t about the sanctity of marriage. It’s about homophobia which is alive and well in our country and even in the “liberal” state of California. So as far as this straight ordained minister is concerned, I think we should ban marriage for EVERYONE until such time it is a legal right for ALL.
Why I Became A RENTHead
Every time I tell someone that I’m a RENThead they ask “What’s a RENThead?” I respond by explaining to them that a RENThead is an individual who has become obsessed or addicted to RENT and has seen it well over five or six times and plays the music almost daily for months on end. My explanation is usually followed by them asking “What is RENT?”
RENT is a Broadway Musical that opened in 1996 and played for the next 12 years closing in September of 2008. In 1996 after its opening it won a Pulitzer Prize, four Tony Awards, Six Drama Desk Awards and on and on and on. In November 2005, RENT was made into a major motion picture with the majority of the film cast being the original Broadway cast that opened the show nine years earlier.
So what is so special about this particular Broadway show and film? God knows I’ve always been a big fan of Broadway. In 1974, when I was only 17 years old I saw my first Broadway show, SUGAR, and that is where my interest into the world of acting and performing began. SUGAR served as a springboard for my own non-professional acting career, and my childhood dream was that one day I would be performing on one of those Broadway stages in New York.
Well, my Broadway debut never arrived, although my Off-Off-Broadway debut did arrive in 1994, but that’s another story I won’t go into now. Instead of becoming a working actor I went on to become a minister and a spiritual teacher, and this is the primary reason I became a RENThead. Because I believe that this masterpiece of art has a grand spiritual purpose, and its creation is much larger than it becoming a successful smash hit on Broadway.
Jonathan Larson is the genius behind RENT. He wrote the book, the music, and the lyrics. Jonathan’s interest in Broadway began, like mine, as an actor. Eventually he realized what brought him the greatest happiness was writing music. He was so dedicated to his dream and believed in himself so much that he lived a Bohemian lifestyle in order to stay dedicated to his craft. For seven years he worked every day, full-time nonetheless, on the music for RENT without anyone paying him to do so. He barely supported himself by working part-time as a waiter at a small diner in Manhattan. As a true Bohemian, he had a total disregard of money for the pursuit of music.
RENT is the modern interpretation of Puccini’s opera La Boheme which is about a group of young and hungry artists in New York City’s East Village. Not only does this show resemble the story of the opera La Boheme, it also has intertwined within elements of Jonathan Larson’s personal life experience. This was Jonathan’s first produced show, as well as his last. The show opened at the New York Theatre Workshop, an Off-Broadway theater in the East Village in 1996. After the final dress rehearsal, and at the age of 35, Jonathan passed away quietly in his home from an anorthic aneurysm. From a spiritual perspective, it was almost as if his soul was saying “I came here to do one thing. To deliver a message. A big message. I’ve completed that task, so now it is time to go back home.”
I believe, as many spiritualists do, that we choose to re-incarnate lifetime after lifetime, and we also choose when we will arrive and when we will depart along with what we are here to learn or accomplish. In my spiritual opinion, Jonathan Larson is a testimony to that belief. We all re-incarnate to planet Earth because we all have work to do. Figuring out what that work is, is sometimes the most difficult struggle for many of us while we’re here. But that did not appear to be the case with Jonathan. He knew in his heart, in his soul, what his purpose was, and he held strong to that purpose until he completed what he set out to do.
I do not believe that RENT was about a personal success for Jonathan or about anyone making a lot of money from this production. That has simply been the byproduct of this masterpiece. RENT was about a message that needed to be delivered, and that is the reason it has surpassed many other Broadway musicals in its 12-year run. I believe the film version was created so that this brilliant work of art could touch a much broader scope of people than those that attend New York theatre. I was actually one of those people. Although I tried several times to see the Broadway Show, the people I invited to attend the theater with me always wanted to see something else. No one wanted to see yet another story about struggling artists in New York. “It’s been done a zillion times” they said. No one wanted to see a story about Aids. “It’s too depressing” they said. Even one of my gay friends said they didn’t want to see yet another story about Aids. Go figure.
In 2004 I moved to the West Coast, never having seen the Broadway production. On November 23, 2005 Sony brought us the film version of RENT which was directed by Christopher Columbus and produced by Tribeca Films, the organization that was co-founded by another master of his craft, Robert DeNiro. After watching a performance of the opening number, SEASONS OF LOVE on the Ellen DeGeneres talk show, my interest in this show peeked once again. Yet I still had trouble finding someone to attend the film with me. As a result, I was never able to see it on the large screen.
I ended up renting it on DVD (no pun intended) and fell in love with the script, the music, and the energy behind this production. Two months after viewing the DVD I returned to East Coast to officiate a wedding and finally had the opportunity to see the Broadway Show in New York. That did it for me. I understood completely why RENTheads were drawn back to the theater to see this show ten, twelve, and fifteen times. As many RENTheads have testified, RENT is a life-changing show. It reaches down into the depths of your soul and touches you in a way that is difficult to explain to others. Even after watching it eight times I still sob through most of the second half of the show. As a spiritual teacher, I stand strong to the notion that there is much to be learned from this great piece of work. Yes, it is a show about friendship, struggle, Aids, and love, but it is the way in which it communicates its spiritual messages that makes it so inspiring to others. This is the kind of spiritual upliftment that many of us long for in our daily lives, without ever really knowing that this is what is missing. Once we find it, through the experience of this show, we are reluctant to let it go and it is ultimately why many of us have become RENTheads.
As noted before, the show opens with a song entitled SEASONS OF LOVE which asks us how we measure our life and its value. Do we measure it in sunsets? In cups of coffee? In laughter? In dollars? In contracts? There are five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes in a year. How do you measure your years? In births? In deaths? I believe most people measure their years and their lives by success, and more specifically, by financial success. But is that what God intended us to do? Is that why we are really here? Do you think God wants us to measure our life by what we have or what we’ve accomplished? I don’t think so.
Love is what God is made of, and we are made from God, therefore we should be made of love as well. The message of this beautiful first song is that we should measure our lives in love and only love. In this show we have the opportunity to see a lot of love exchanged between the eight friends that form the foundation of the story. We get to experience romantic love through Mimi and Roger. We get to experience same-sex love through Collins and Angel as well as Maureen and Joanne. We get to experience friendship love through Roger and Mark as well as all of the other characters in the show including Benny, and we get to experience unconditional love through the character of Angel. The song ends with “Remember the love, know that love is a gift from up above, share love, give love, spread love, measure your life in love.” This song in and of itself is a very powerful message for all of us.
The pivotal character in this show is, believe it or not, a drag queen by the name of Angel, who shows all of the other characters in the story, as well as all of us, how to genuinely love others completely and unconditionally. How many people do you know that can love in this way without fear of being hurt or without any conditions attached to their love? I do believe Jesus was able to master this kind of love and he set an example for us to do the same, but we have failed miserably at it for thousands of years. The character of Angel reminds us of what Jesus has tried to teach us for centuries. He tried to teach us not to judge others but to love them for who they are and what they are no matter what the circumstance. Imagine what our lives would be like if we were able to love everyone around us in this way. I do believe that this is our ultimate spiritual goal, to love everyone, all of our brothers and sisters, without condition, and to accept everyone, all of our brothers and sisters, for who and what they are.
Jonathan Larson not only uses serious songs to get this message across but he also uses a more humorous approach that speaks to loving others unconditionally as well. TAKE ME OR LEAVE ME is a musical number in which two characters are asking for total acceptance from the other while listing all of their idiosyncrasies and flaws. So many people try their best to change the other person that they are in relationship with. This power struggle is not only prevalent in romantic love but it also rears its ugly head in parent-child relationships and friendships as well. Why is it so hard for us to love others unconditionally? Why is it so difficult for us to “take others for who they are and what they are meant to be” as the song suggests, rather than trying to change them for who we want them to be? I believe it is because most of us do not know how to love and that is why such a high percentage of relationships fail. We are all looking for what we can GET out of a relationship rather than what we can GIVE to a relationship. It’s all about getting our own needs met rather than trying to be there for the other individual. What we need to realize is that in order to get the love we want, we have to be willing to give that same kind of love to others as well. Integrating this concept into our lives is not as easy as writing the words now is it?
Aside from the blatant messages in this film to love and love unconditionally, there is another theme that persists throughout the production. Many of us live our lives as if we have a billion tomorrows and have consistently put off things we’ve wanted to do with our lives day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. What this show teaches us is that life can be very short and that we need to live for today and only today. The lyrics to ANOTHER DAY as well FINALE B tells us “I can’t control my destiny……I trust my soul……there’s only now……there’s only here……give in to love or live in fear…….there’s no other path……there’s no other way……there is no future……there is no past……thank God this moment’s not the last……I live this moment as my last……there’s only us……there’s only this……forget regret or life is yours to miss……there’s no other road……there’s no day but today”.
How many of us work at jobs that do not fulfill us simply for the money we are paid or for financial security? How many of us do not pursue our real dreams and passions because they seem like the illogical choice? This is one of the grandest spiritual mistakes we all make. For what is life without a dream or passion of some kind? I believe life without a dream or a passion is dull, boring, and very monotonous. We settle for mediocrity in our lives and then we turn to alcohol, drugs, food, sex, and material possessions to try and fill up the empty hole created by the lack of our dream, our passion, and ultimately our purpose. For our passion IS our purpose. Once we make that connection we’re half way there!
There is another musical number in the show called WHAT YOU OWN where the characters of Roger and Mark sing about living in America at the end of the millennium. They point out how unconnected we are as a society and what an isolated age this is. We all need to realize that we are not our jobs, we are not what we own, but rather we are our purpose. Through Roger’s creative endeavor of writing music, and Mark’s creative endeavor of making films, they both come to realize how this connects us all to each other and that we are never ever alone.
Tell me, how would you live your life if you knew you only had a few months or years to live? It surely is something to think about. Why not start today to live for today and begin to move in the direction that will fulfill you the most and honor who you are as a human being? We all have a spiritual purpose here. Now go and figure out what that is and move in that direction! If we don’t, then we’ll die without ever having left our mark on society.
Jonathan Larson communicates a message about leaving our mark on society through the character of Roger, a has-been rock singer, who talks about making his mark before “the virus takes hold”. He wants to write just one more song……a song about love………a song to leave behind……one last blaze of glory. Having Aids has helped him to realize that at one time he had the world at his feet, yet he wasted that opportunity and became a junkie to escape the pain in his life, forfeiting the wonderful creative career that he had been so successful at. How many celebrities do we see living this drama out? Quite a few if you ask me. Roger wants one more song to redeem what he now sees as an empty life. And when does he find the lyrics and music to this last song? Once he lets go of his fear and allows his heart to open through his love for Mimi while she is on her deathbed. Is that what we are waiting for to leave behind our one last blaze of glory? The threat of death either to ourselves or to someone else we love?
That musical number, ONE SONG GLORY speaks to Jonathan Larson’s mark as well. Not only did he write one song as a blaze of glory, he wrote an entire production filled with blazing glory and again, this was all accomplished long before he died or knew that he would die. Can you not see the irony in all of this as I do? It was as if he knew he wouldn’t be here much longer and wanted us all to learn what he had learned in his life……that you must follow your heart, your dream, and your passion or your life will have not served its purpose.
One of the best musical numbers in the show is another song that speaks to Jonathan’s life as an artist. LA VIE BOHEME celebrates the Bohemian lifestyle that Jonathan lived. As it rapidly recites the names of former artists who serve as inspirations and symbols of the Bohemian and vagabond lifestyle, it also validates Jonathan’s choice to live the way he did in order to express and communicate his message through his music. It talks about going against the grain and hating convention. Through this one musical production we learn to be who we are and to hell with what society says we should or should not be. Amen and thank you Jonathan Larson!!!!
The end of the show comes full circle. As the first musical number in the show speaks to love, so does the last number entitled LOVE HEALS. Unfortunately the last number didn’t make it into the film version but Christopher Columbus created an ending in the film that is just as powerful. “There are those who shield their hearts……those who quit before they start……in the dark they’ve lost their sight……like a ship without a star in the night…….but hold on tight…..love heals. When you feel like you can’t go on……love heals. Hold onto love……it will keep you strong……love heals. Hold on to love…….it will bring you home (which is to God). When life’s unfair……..love heals. When you feel so small……like a grain of sand……like nothing at all……love heals. When you look out at sea……that’s where love will be……that’s where you’ll find me……don’t forget……love heals.”
RENT is a unique and brilliant tapestry that Jonathan Larson wove very intricately through the book he wrote, through his music, and through his own life story. And that my friends, is why I became a RENThead. God Bless you Jonathan Larson wherever you are…………….
Vegetarian: To Be Or Not To Be
When I first arrived in California six years ago I decided that for the sake of my body and the evolvement of my spirit, that I wanted to try being vegetarian. I have vacillated in that choice for five years now. I feel like Oprah when she made that comment on her show about her weight where she said “I can’t believe after all these years I’m still talking about food and weight.” Well O, I understand your frustration because that’s how I feel about being vegetarian and vegan.
For those not familiar, a vegetarian is someone who does not eat flesh. If a vegetarian tells you they eat fish, then they are not vegetarian, they are a fishetarian, a pescetarian a pescevegetarian, or a piscetarian (and don’t ask me what the difference is because I don’t think there is one). A vegan, however, is one who does not eat any animal products whatsoever so that means in addition to eliminating flesh from their diet, they also eliminate all dairy products as well. Some people even go as far as to eliminate anything with white sugar because animal bones are used in the processing of that product. The same goes for anything with gelatin in it because gelatin comes from horse’s hooves. And on and on it goes.
Now, I don’t particularly like labels of any kind, but I will admit that I’m comfortable with the label my friend Joe gave me a while back. He says (in his best Italian voice) that I’m an “Iffatarian” which simply means “Iffa you are serving meat I will eat it.” Especially if Joe is doing the cooking! Yes, I jest, but seriously, you don’t have to be a nutritionist or a vegan to realize we, as a country, consume way too much meat and dairy and not enough fruits and vegetables. Our obesity statistics as well as the rise in heart disease is a testament to that. By the same token I will openly and honestly admit that it is not easy to maintain a vegetarian diet, and especially a vegan diet, in spite of all the positive reasons why we should. It takes an enormous amount of commitment in the same way normal dieting does so the person who wants to make the change has to decide whether or not the end result is worth the effort involved in making the transition. My personal struggle with food in general has been life-long and at this point in my life I find I no longer want to fight this battle because there are more important things in my life than what I weigh. Self-acceptance can be quite liberating, that much I can tell you.
So for me this is more about my spirit than it is my body. I have always questioned the spiritual aspect of eating meat and can even remember asking my spiritual guru about it back in the late 80’s. His reply was that it was not spiritually “wrong” to eat meat, but that we really should eat as little as possible because when the animal is slaughtered it feels fear and that causes certain chemicals to explode inside of the animal’s body which we then ingest and it is not healthy for us. In the many discussions I’ve had with vegans, the topic of Jesus and all those fish almost always comes up. If it was acceptable for Jesus to eat fish, then why is it not acceptable for me to eat it?
Well recently I had an argument with one of my long-term friends about this because she is an avid vegan, an animal rights advocate, and a vegan nutritionist that spends most of her time caring for animals and teaching others how to make the transition from meat-eater to vegetarian or vegan. In spite of how hard I’ve tried to adapt to this eating regimen, I fail at times for a number of reasons which I won’t bore you with at this time. In all honesty I’m o.k. with that because I think that life and growth of any kind, whether it be spiritual or emotional, is a process, and we all re-create ourselves in our own time. Unfortunately I have never been able to get my friend to see this. This is a small part of a recent email she sent me:
“It’s really a matter of commitment to working it out. Once a person truly knows a lot about all the aspects involved in raising and killing animals, there IS no turning back, and they learn to make it work. A person decides to no longer create disease in their own body by eating animal flesh and animal products; they decide they do not want to contribute to the massive destruction of the planet we call home of which animal agriculture is cause number one; and they decide they cannot be responsible for the torture and death of animals. They stop being a hypocrite by hugging their pets yet eating other animals. They learn to eat what we’re meant to eat – fruits, veggies, grains, legumes, not a ton of fake stuff to resemble the animals we stopped eating. Guess I’m just tired of giving people wiggle room when it involves the torture of animals. It feels rather urgent to me that people do this so less pain is inflicted on animals. I can’t apologize for feeling that way.”
Wow. Well I guess she is right, I am lacking in commitment on this issue, but isn’t it my choice on where I want to put my energy? I happen to believe that saving people is more important than saving animals, so I take offense that she feels that her purpose should override any purpose or passion that I have of my own. Who died and made her God? It’s not up to her to decide if I’m allowed any “wiggle room” or not. With all of the good choices I’ve made along the way, in her eyes I’m still a hypocrite because I hug my cat but I still occasionally eat a chicken. That’s harsh….really harsh….and now eating soy products, which I happen to eat a LOT of…..soy burgers, soy chicken nuggets, soy cheese, etc. is not good enough for my friend the vegan? Now if it even LOOKS like an animal product I’m condemned?
I really resent other people telling me how to live my life especially when it is unsolicited. This woman is extremely pushy when it comes to getting people to transition to a plant-based diet, and she will use insults, guilt, and continual badgering to try and coerce you into doing what she thinks is right. It doesn’t matter what you say to her, she believes that the next thing she sends you will “make you vegan” and even if you are direct enough to ask her to not send you anymore literature on the subject (like I have in the past), she will ignore your requests and continue to barrage you with emails and links that she thinks will “help” you. She will ship you books and DVD’s and tapes in spite of the fact that you’ve asked her to stop.
When she and I would argue about this subject she would always mention that this or that author or expert was going to be on Oprah, and she just knew that if Oprah had all the information I had that she would definitely become vegan, especially being the dog lover that Oprah is. I told her she was wrong, because Oprah has struggled with food and weight all her life just like I have and I know from personal experience that this is not an easy nut for our type to crack. As it turns out Oprah tried being vegan for a few weeks, hated it, and went back to being a meat-eater again. I’m proud of myself that I didn’t revel in an “I told you so” moment when the truth was revealed! Let’s face it, Oprah is a pretty evolved human being, and someone who, like me, is extremely self-empowered. With that being said, I feel I’m in good company in my failure to live up to my vegan friend’s expectations.
While I was visiting this friend in Southern California last year we went to a place called Animal Acres which is a safe haven for farm animals that have been rescued. My friend thought my daughter and my sister (who is also an advocate for animals) might enjoy it. As for me, I couldn’t wait to get out of the place. I am so far removed from being a “country” girl so it was not the place for me….but I divert. While there we listened to a lecture by a well-known animal activist who went on and on about not eating meat and how cruel and violent it was to partake in this industry. Yet during the question and answer portion of the presentation someone asked him about some of his family members who were not vegan and he admitted in front of his audience that he buys meat for his children because they refuse to be vegetarian. Now here is a man who is going around the country lecturing and selling books on this topic (and making a ton of money doing it I might add) yet he is not committed to doing it himself with his own family. I wonder if my friend sent him a scathing email as well questioning him on not being 100% committed to his cause. I’m guessing she didn’t because he is a vegan himself and that makes him superior in her eyes.
Which brings me to my point and the irony of this whole situation. My friend (and many animal activists) do phenomenal things on behalf of animals and they are to be commended. But by the same token if we look closely we might see that these very same people do not exert the same kind of compassion, gentleness, and understanding for human beings that they do for their furry friends. Does that make them bad individuals? No. It just makes them imperfect human beings like the rest of us. We all have souls that need to evolve in one area or another (myself included) so it is always best to look within our own glass house before we throw stones at others.
And so my journey will continue. I haven’t perfected my choices at meal time but I do feel good that the changes I’ve made so far have probably saved hundreds of animals up to this point. I won’t give up on myself even if my friend wants to give up on me. I will give myself the wiggle room I need and in the interim I will be the best Iffatarian or Piscetarian I can be!
